


Peter Maldonado: Crush Buster

by starsnow



Category: American Vandal (TV)
Genre: Getting Together, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-01
Updated: 2018-10-01
Packaged: 2019-07-21 02:08:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16150310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starsnow/pseuds/starsnow
Summary: Crush busting.That’s the term Sam and Peter came up with for when Peter found the fatal flaw of the person Sam had the hots for that year.Peter was excellent at crush busting. He had both the investigative skill and the knowledge of Sam to quickly find the one fact about a person that would evict them from Sam’s heart forever.





	Peter Maldonado: Crush Buster

Crush busting.

That’s the term Sam and Peter came up with for when Peter found the fatal flaw of the person Sam had the hots for that year.

The problem was Sam would get way too deep into his crushes, almost as deep as Peter would get into his video projects. Only instead of getting a (debatable at times) piece of art out of it, all Sam would get is daydreams and wasted time.

So in fourth grade after almost failing a spelling test, Sam gave Peter a new project, end his crush on Emmeline Lee.

It took Peter and his elementary detective skills less than a week to figure out that Emmeline actually liked red Fruit by the Foot. Sam, like a kid with any sense, knew that red was clearly the worst of the three flavors that come in the Fruit by the Foot variety pack. Anyone who would consistently choose the red Fruit by the Foot over the berry and rainbow flavors clearly has incredibly poor taste.

 But Sam was well versed in fruit by the foot. He brought up the fact that Emmeline eating a red Fruit by the Foot every day isn’t necessarily proof she actually likes the flavor. There was the possibility that her parents only bought the packs that just had the red ones. Peter was one step ahead. He had already determined when Emmeline’s younger sister ate lunch. So the next day after telling their teacher they needed to go to the bathroom, Peter and Sam instead made their way to the cafeteria. There, plain as day, they saw Hannah Lee open her lunch box and take out a berry fruit by the foot.

And like that, Sam’s crush was over.

* * *

 

Peter was excellent at crush busting. He had both the investigative skill and the knowledge of Sam to quickly find the one fact about a person that would evict them from Sam’s heart forever.

Fifth Grade: Anna Melowitz thought Legos were stupid.

Sixth Grade: Darren Prescott only wore velcro sneakers.

Seventh Grade: Yasmine Freeman always snitched to the teacher.

Eighth Grade: Theo Hernandez slept naked.

The only exception was Ned Rigde in ninth grade.

“His favorite Disney movie is Pocahontas.”

“Really, Peter? It’s been almost a month and all you can tell me is he really likes a subpar movie?”

“I’ve been trying. I just can’t seem to find anything that damning about him. The only things of note I found out about him is his favorite Disney movie and,” Peter paused, ” that he probably likes you back.”

Sam’s ears started turning red, “How did you?”

“His friend Ashley caught me snooping and we put two and two together.”

Sam and Ned dated for 3 months.

Sam dumped him for being too boring.

* * *

 

It was shortly after they had put the last episode of American Vandal online that they could stop constantly thinking about dicks on cars and finally just relax for a while.

They were in Peter’s basement playing some Mario Kart. Normally Peter would hate this because Sam has some weird talent for Mario Kart. The only time Peter could beat him was when he was distracted, usually by a crush.

So when Peter beat him in two of the three tournaments they played, he knew something was up.

“You need me to crush bust Gabby for you?” Peter asked putting down his controller.

“No” Sam told him, scrolling through the Mario Kart courses “I don’t have a crush on her, so no busting required.”

“Come on” Peter said grabbing the controller out of Sam’s hand, “It has to be her. You’d tell me if you had a crush on anyone else.”

“Once again no, besides I haven’t a crush on a girl since middle school” Sam pulled out his phone and started scrolling through twitter.

“Should I bust Brandon then? Is that why you were so defensive about Gabby? I got this. I could probably just do it right now.”

“Ew no. I already hate him. I don’t need to know more crap about him”

“Who then? No way you’d lose in Mario Kart for no reason. You can’t just start not telling me things, Sam.” Sam could hear the twinge of sadness in his voice.

“God, I should have known playing that game with you was a bad idea. You’re too good at figuring things out” Sam sighed, leaning his head back against the couch, staring at the ceiling, “You really want to know that badly Peter?”

Sam turned to look Peter in the eye. He couldn’t help but smile slightly at the almost desperate look in Peter’s face. He loved how intensely Peter needed to know the truth, even if it was just Sam’s crush. His fear slowly crept away. Now all he really wanted to do was give Peter what he wants.

“It’s you Peter” Sam said cautiously, bracing himself for the reaction.

Peter just looked shocked for a millisecond.

“You need me to bust me?” he started babbling, his eyes darting around the room, “That’ll be real easy. I don’t even have to investigate me. Where should I start? I sometimes don’t text back for days at a time when I’m in the middle of a project.”

“Pete, I know that, ” Sam said gently, feeling a strange mixture of dread and amusement at Peter’s rambling.

“Right uhhh, I really like Necco Wafers, like I don’t think they just taste like saw dust.” Peter’s panic was growing, like he could start hyperventilating at any moment. “My glasses are always dirty, my socks never match. I- ”

Sam burst out in awkward laughter, “Please stop busting yourself. I don’t want you to make me stop liking you,” He moved closer to Peter, “I just want to know how you feel.”

“How _I_ feel?” Peter said like he was trying to remember what those words mean.

Sam searched his mind for the right thing to say, “Look, I know you aren’t good at feelings. And all this probably comes as a big shock for you. It’s kind of funny if you think about it. This being the one thing you couldn’t figure out. Not so funny for me I guess. Or for you. But if could you just answer this -”

Peter leaned forward and pressed his lips to Sam’s.

And Sam’s crush was busted wide open.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


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